There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize