I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
