Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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