You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
