I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
