dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
