Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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