when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
