OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
