I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
