where am i from again
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize