I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Vodka?
Forever.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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