Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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