You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
