Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
