Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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