a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
