I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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