why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
