I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
