had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
