I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
