her vagine was all disorganized.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
