things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
