Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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