This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize