Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
