Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
