Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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