i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
