I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
