It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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