i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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