i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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