Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
