I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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