Do you still have your period?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
