I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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