We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
