You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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