You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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