the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
