My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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