If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
