I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
