guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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