I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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