Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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