i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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