i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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