I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
