Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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