Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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