I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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