We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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