i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Randomize
