He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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