Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I need to sanitize my soul.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
