so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
