you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
