Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
