Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
