its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
