this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
