Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
