It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize