he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
