Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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