"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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