So drunk its hurt
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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