I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
