I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
