Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
