You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
