Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
