you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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