Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
