in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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