I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
