he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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