Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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