i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
