When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
