I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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