And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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