Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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