wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
