As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
