He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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