i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
