3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
