I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
