I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
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We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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