if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
