I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
