If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
