from now on my penis is your penis
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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