so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
