Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
