Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
