i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize